Merry Christmas everyone!

To everyone that touched my life this year, in one way or another... for friends and family that are near, close by, or very far away... for those that live in my heart all year ´round. I love you, may God bless you this year.

"Mommy, why does Heavenly Father let things like these happen?

- Suzana asked me as we were driving home from visiting a friend, who recently broke a rib and her hip in a car accident. Suzana wasn't mentioning the broken bones, though. She meant the death of a seventeen year old boy, a friend, the son of a good friend, and the brother of two younguer boys as well as an older sister: who was driving the car as it crashed and who was now home with some broken bones and a broken heart.

At times like these, a question from an eleven year old makes us stop wherever we are in our lives, and think back on what we believe, what we are doing here on Earth, and what we haven't done yet that we always wanted to do. And then we need to answer... we need to somehow make children understand what we're not sure we fully understand the meaninof it all, either. Last night when Suzana sked me that, I had to come to terms with reality and tell her the truth: "I don't know". I really don't. I don't know why parents have to go through the pain of burying a child; I don't understand why a girl has to suffer with the guilt of "letting" her brother die; why did the thirteen year old have to be conscient durind the whole crash and witness his brother pass away... I don't really grasp the strength and faith of a mother that tells me, "I thak God it was only one, the way I saw the car later, it was a miracle that I din't loose all four of them".
I don't deal well with death, even though I know it's part of life. I'm struggling... I remember his smiling face, his energetic spirit, his contagious laugh... and then I remember his cold, deformed body in a white coffin. I close my eyes and see his girlfriend sobbing... the bishop choking on his words when he spoke at the funeral... the hundreds of people that came to say good bye, the tears, the hugs, friends comforting friends... I still hear dozen of young people singing "called to serve" as the body was carried away to a grave... I see tears swealling up in my daughter's eyes, and then a big sob that seems neverending...

So, after the first answer to her question, "I don't know", I have to tell Suzana what I DO know. I know that God lives, that He guides us, and He knows what's best for us, even when that sounds ridiculous, loosing someone cannot in any way be what's best for us... but still I know it, and I know he loves us, he knows us individually, and cares for us like no one is this world has the cappacity to. I know that in a world of uncertainty and pain, Jesus Christ is our beacon, our strength, our rock. I also know that even though heavenly Father is omnipotent, he can never take our freedom to act, and that is what causes so many hurt in the world... and I also know that pain is necessary so we can fully understand happiness, that God has a plan that we can't see, and at times like this, not compreend, but we do not need to understand. At times like these, Faith has to be found in our hearts and minds, and Faith allows us to carry on. Faith takes control and all we trully need to know, is that Heavenly Father loves His children, and that is sufficient. (1 Nephi 11:17)

Tiago, we miss you kid. You are loved.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6Ry63_CSbM



http://translate.google.com/translate?client=tmpg&hl=pt&u=http%3A%2F%2Flugarmormon.blogspot.com%2F&langpair=pten

"Some dreams must wait"

"Some dreams must wait. Life isn’t long enough.
Some dreams must wait to come true.
Sometimes it seems life just begins and then all of a sudden it’s through.
There’s songs you won’t sing, there’s stories that you won’t ever hear.
Pages you’ll never turn, words that you’ll never know, things that you never will learn.
Some dreams must wait life isn’t long enough.
Some dreams must wait to come true.
It’s nice to know there’s all eternity for everything you’d like to do.
There aren’t any clocks. There aren’t any things like calendars.
No such thing as too late, just always and evermore,
That’s why I think it’s so great
That Heavenly Father and Mother figured it all out so clever.
There’s never enough time and that is why I’m glad we go on forever.
We go on forever.
Some dreams must wait, life isn’t long enough.
Some dreams must wait to come true.
Sometimes it seems life just begins and then all of a sudden it’s through.
There’s songs you won’t sing, there’s stories that you won’t ever hear.
Pages you’ll never turn, words that you’ll never know, things that you never will learn."




(link for the portuguese speking friends out there , click on the first story at http://www.osetubalense.pt/index.asp?idEdicao=374 )

Toothless wonder!

My valentine

She´s eleven. ELEVEN! Where does time go?
I think I need to start worrying about boys...She IS a doll!

Happy birthday valentine!

Letting go

When we moved to the South I wasn't expecting to find lots of friends. Not that the people here aren't nice enough, just that I have my roots up north and in the U.S. also.
I knew I would find nice ladies at church and be friends with some of them... what I didn't know, was that I would meet someone not from church that would change my life.
I met this ladie in the group of ten that would start training for my new job. She and I had so much in comon... she didnt smoke; she was only three years older than me; she was married and had a 12 year old daughter and a five year old son. She was fun and carefree, and oh so wise. We always sat together, and had dinner breaks together; in two months, I had found a best friend in the South. She taught me patience, she taught me work, she taught me that life sometimes isn't fair and we have to deal with it without feeling blue all the time. Her laugh was contagious and her smile was warm. She was so family oriented, loved to have weekly family nights on Fridays. She was an example to anyone that really knew her. She was my friend. She was my friend.

I think it's time for me to admit that I'm having a hard time letting go. I wasn't ready, it didn't seem possible, she couldn't leave, not just yet. But after two months of a beautiful friendship, I lost her to cancer. It didn't even give us any warning... one day she was fine and the other she was nauseated with what we thought that could be the stomach flu, and then just like that, colon cancer took her preacious life in a hospital bed.

Everyday I go to work I think of her smile and can almost see her there talking to us and making us laugh. I miss her, and I don't know how to deal with a loss so great; I never lost someone so close to me. I don't know how it's done, I don't know how not to be sad, I dont know how to stop hurting. It's been almost three weeks, and I should be able to let go, or so I think. When she passed on, Suzana held me and cried with me; Nicolas said he wishes I'll never have a tummy ache. Jabus let me cry all night and tell him all about this wonderful lady. I know I need to move on and be grateful to have a family and make the most out of life; but I, too, hope that I won't have a tummy ache like that so soon in my life.

I need to let go. Could someone pease tell me how that's done?

Our little Saturday trip.

We took advantage of the sunny day and went exploring the "neighbourhood" today. We drove for a while along the sea side and around the mountais and found an old castle's ruins. It was fun and the kids really enjoyed it. Life in the South has defenitly it's advantages!

Especially for Emily...

Here are some pics of Nicolas' birthday. I will download some more soon. Love ya!

A very merry Christmas indeed.

SANTA HAS FOUND US!




Once a barbie girl, always a barbie girl!





Suzana's a mommy. This is one special baby that talks back to us, hugs and kisses. We're all in love with this new adition to the family.

Give a boy some wheels, and he'll be your friend forever!

Bookworm is happy for the new supply!

OPERATION! This is a family favorite.

It has been a while since we took the time to keep in touch with our friends, and we are sorry. We love you, and think of you often. Time has been scarse but you still live in our hearts everyday.

Christmas is a time of reflexion around here. We start the month of December putting the Christmas tree up and then we read a scripture and story and sing a song every day until Christmas. Suzana and Nicolas are doing great and have learned the true meaning of Christmas.

This month I received news of a very dear friend that has colon cancer, and also of another friend who just miscarried her baby for the 8th time. As I thought about these events, my testimony has grown that Jesus really is the reason for the Season. Only through Him can we endure and still find happiness in life. I feel humbled to think of His sacrifice for us, to think that because of Him, I can make it through everything until I meet Him again.

We love this Season!

May each one of you find peace in your hearts that only comes through our Savior.

Depression

This is the time of the year that most people feel the mood shift with the season... a lot of articles and books address that issue well enough, so there's no need for me to make an entry about the causes and treatments we have these days. Instead, I will speak to my friends.

And I will speak to my friends' friends, and to people I only speak to on the web, and to those who don't really know who the heck I am, to everyone in general that is going to a really tough time now. It seems to me that everywhere I look, a person is dealing with more than they think they can handle. Today more than ever, we are being bombarded with problems and more problems and conflicts and dissapointment and sadness and the empty feeling that leaves a hole in our heart. Our shoulders get heavy, our mind gets troubled, our heart starts to doubt. And we wonder why. Why does the wind keep trowing sand at our faces, why do friends leave us alone, why does life have to be so hard, and why, why, oh why, can't we see the light at the end of the long tunnel. We forget what sunshine really feels like, because for the longest time there's been four winters in our miserable year of life.

I speak to you that are sure you did something to deserve a mediocre life; to you that feel inferior than the rest of the world; to you that wish you could hide under your bed forever; to you that is beginning to doubt every good thing and experience you've had in the past; to you that are simply planning on giving up. And to you, I have a little something to say:



You are beautiful. You are wonderful. You are a ray of sunshine for those who are lucky enough to know you. You are special. You are unique. You are irreplaceable. You are powerful. You are loved. And believe it or not, my friend, you are strong.

Don't loose faith in people, and especially in God. Do NOT loose faith in you. keep your chin up, even if that means getting more sand in your eyes. Do not let fear and doubt take control. Only you can be you, and you are a jewel in God's crown. Do not let yourself be defeated, but take control... and even though you may feel like no one notices or cares about you... that's a big, ugly, fat lie.



I care, and I barely know you. How much more would your Father in Heaven care?

Windshied wipers

I wonder if this just happens to me.

When I'm in the middle of a rainstorm, the kind that you cannot see a foot in front of your car, windshield wipers are life savers. Litterally. Can you imagine driving without them? You thank God for inspiring whoever it was that invented them. You love them, you worship them. When the storm is over, you take a deep breath and continue the drive safely to your destination. Then you turn the wipers off. They just about saved your life, but right now, if you keep them working on a sunny day, they will most likely annoy you and you won't be able to see very well with them. You turn them off until it rains again, until you need your life saved again. You are not afraid to go for a drive in the rain because you know the car has windshied wipers. They are there. They will be there everytime it pours on you. They are just a click away.

I often feel that I'm a windshield wiper type of friend. When someone needs me, they call and I do everything I can for them. And after the storm passes, I get shutt off. They don't need me in the sun.

This used to bug me for the longest time... Until I started thinking and realized that being a windshield wiper type of friend is not that bad; it's actually an honor. And why is that?
Well, my friends have full lives; they have kids and husbands and jobs and all kind of duties they need to fullfil on a daily basis, as do everyone else. Life is hard, complicated, it sucks sometimes, and it's wonderful just the same. But life is, more than anything, busy for most people. And when the rough gets going... when something happens that you weren't really expecting, when it starts pouring rain over you and you feel you're going to lose it... it occours to you that you can turn that button on and the windshield wiper will help you see clearly along the way. Just like a good friend.

So I feel flattered that that someone can see me as a windshield wiper... someone they can always call on, because they know I will be there. I'm just a click away.

Guess who got a haircut!

To love someone.

I got home from my four week all american vacation last Friday night. As I left baggage claim, I saw my husband, shining bright with joy. On his hand he was carrying a beautiful arrangement of red roses, and my heart leaped. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder... very true!
After a four hour drive, we finally got home. The kids were ecstatic to see dad, and everyone was, simply said, happy.
As I entered the house, I first saw flowers on the kitchen table, then flowers on the countertop. There were flowers on the living room, sitting on top of each of the three windows. The dining room table was covered with candy, that had been carefully placed to shape a big heart. On some cardstock we read welcome home, with all of our names. Our bathrom window also had flowers, and it was cleaner than I ever saw it before. I then realized that the whole house was swept, moped, dusted, washed, CLEAN! Not one dish in the sink, not one crumb on the floor, laundry done, clean sheets in all beds.
I'm really not sure what to say as I write this. I kept thinking I was going to tell you all about my miserable 24 hour trip from The U.S. to Portugal, with all the frustration and madness that we went through. Extra cost for luggage, rude people, a carry-on bag (with personal, very special stuff) stolen, and oh what else, so much! But I choose to tell you about love.

I'm always saying love is a verb. My husband demonstrates it.

A laugh is a smile that burst.