37

Where did 25 go?

I fell asleep last night while nursing my daughter. She likes to be rocked and I guess the constant back and forth motion let me drift off to dream land.... I dreamed a lot! Good things, not so good things, happiness, fear, joy, frustration... I dreamed of long trips and the kids growing... I dreamed of distant friends coming close, and then getting distant again... I dreamed of family togetherness and of ocean and waves and squeals of delight... I dreamed of drastic changes and my life being reconstructed for the fourth time... Weird dreams. I must have slept a lot. I don't remember how my daughter got out of my arms, and who carried me to bed... my bed, but wait, a different bed, a different home... I woke up with a morning kiss from my 13 year old daughter, before my husband had to drive her to school. Middle school. She is gorgeous, tall and loving, she is all I dreamed her to be... After she leaves I find a young boy sleeping in his bed, and somehow I know I have to wake him up and help him get ready for school. He is 9. My heart is full just looking at him... so peaceful, so angelic... I kiss him and he grabs my neck in a tight hug. My son. I have dreamed about you also.

It was a long night, indeed. I'm 37 and can't explain it. I'm really 25. No, really! That's what I feel, and that's what I see in the mirror. I can't account for that 12 year gap. I just know that the kids grew up, are beautiful inside and out, and it all happened in a wink of an eye.

My mother was 37 once. So were my two older sisters. They're all grown up. I wonder when I'll grow up...

I don't think it will ever sink in that I turned 37 last week. But then again, who cares? I can imagine myself at 75, looking back in time, and wishing I could be 37 again... So I guess I should make this, the best year of my life. Right?

Yeah, I thought so too.